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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Real Funny Definitions

Funny though real definitions

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.



Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.


Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.


Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"


Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.


Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary:
A place where success comes before work.


Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.


Father:
A banker provided by nature.


Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.


Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.


Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.


Classic:
Books, which people praise, but do not read.


Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.


Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.


Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.


Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.


Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.


Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.


Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death


The Mile High Club


NAIL IN THE FENCE

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.

His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger,the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence.

The fence will never be the same.

When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.

It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."

A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."

**********

Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your
heart :)

Jim Carrey - Karate Instructor ( cOmedy )


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