Kissing Test Very Funny

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Real Funny Definitions

Funny though real definitions

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.


Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.


Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.


Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death

The Mile High Club

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NAIL IN THE FENCE

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.

His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger,the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence.

The fence will never be the same.

When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.

It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."

A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."

**********

Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your heart :)

Jim Carrey - Karate Instructor ( cOmedy )

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Is your Daddy home

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.

He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone,

The boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,

"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a

Helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me."

Party Crashers

It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.



She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers.
Then her husband got an idea....



He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.



Then he asked " Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.



The He smiled and said---"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party".

Long Lecturing Results

Still women loves man

Interesting facts

Men are like computers – hard to figure out and never have enough memory Still Women likes man



Men are like coolers – load them with beer and you can take them anywhere Still Women likes man



Men are like chocolate bars – sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips Still Women likes man



Men are like coffee – the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night Still Women likes man



Men are like horoscopes – they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong Still Women likes man



Men are like cement – after getting laid they take a long time to get hard Still Women likes man


Men are like laxatives – they irritate the shit out of you Still Women likes man



Men are like parking spots – the good ones are already taken and what's left is handicapped Still Women likes man



A man is like a snowstorm – you never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he will last Still Women likes man



What should you give a man who has everything? – A woman to show him how to work it Still Women likes man



Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? – Breasts don't have eyes. Still Women likes man